The Viable Alternative

I have to apologize. I usually release a blog a week, but last week I had a technical issue with my site so I wasn’t able to post anything. Thankfully, the issue has been fixed.

Anyway, I have a friend who writes a spiritual/personal consciousness blog, and over the course of a few years, during conversations the two of us had about various subjects, she’d make mention of a recent blog post she had written as a reference to a point she was making, making the assumption I had read it. My reply to such assumptions was, “No, I haven’t read it yet” or “No, I wasn’t aware you posted a new one.” After a few conversations that went like this, she started to inquire why I wasn’t reading her blog, especially since she felt there was useful information in it that could benefit me and because she read mine. She then suggested that maybe I was jealous of her success.

Now, I admit, in my less “glamourous” moments in my life, I can be selfish, impatient, insecure, aloof, insensitive, narcissistic, stubborn, petty, over-analytical, etc, but one trait that I’ve not generally struggled with is jealousy. So, upon hearing this, I filed it in my mind as preposterous and completely ignored what she said, but after she brought it up several times over a course of time, I finally sought to address this issue to her.

Basically, I told her that as a unique individual, she was on her own unique path that was different than mine, so any success that she had was made for her, not for me, thus, if I had her success it wouldn’t make me happy, so why would I want it?

I further explained that I loved seeing friends of mine become successful because I saw their success as my own success, and their success served to inspire me to achieve my own success that was tailor made for me.

I also told her that due to her own uniqueness, she’s going to be able to attract an audience that I would never be able to attract and vice versa. She started doing this way before me so of course she’s going to attract more people, I was under no illusions about that, but as I put in the consistent effort, what is meant for me will come to me because of ME.

Jealousy I told her was an exercise in futility and a waste of my energy that can be put to better use by creating my own success from the inspiration I received from hers.

Lastly, the REAL reason I told her I didn’t read her blogs was because her posts had a certain “energy” to them, and many times I wasn’t in the headspace or on the same wavelength to ingest the message properly.

After explaining all this she told me she understood exactly where I was coming from and the “issue” was resolved.

Jealousy is a completely useless emotion, yet it’s been the source of all types of maliciousness we as human beings have committed towards one another. Jealousy is what we feel when we resent someone for having what we don’t have that we want for ourselves. This resentment can stay passive or it can develop into an active dislike to actually hating the other person which in turn leads to a range of behaviour like backstabbing, acts of sabotage all the way up to homicide.

History is full of stories involving jealousy rearing its ugly head in one form or another.

I thoroughly despise jealousy. I avoid spending too much time with jealous people and I do my best as a human being not to tolerate it from myself. It makes no sense to me how you can resent someone for what they worked hard for or what they were born with. In my low moments, rather than be jealous of a fellow human being, I’ve tended more to resent God or beat up on myself for not being where I wanted (yes, I know, that’s a waste of energy too…lol).

Although jealousy is a waste of time emotion, people nonetheless hold onto it because it gives them a sense of “power.” Holding bitterness or resentment towards someone else can make a person feel like he has power over the object of his jealousy because he’s doing the judging in a situation he otherwise feels powerless in.

The problem is, CHOOSING to be jealous of someone does not make you powerful, it a makes you a victim which in turn makes you weak. When you’re unhappy with who you are, or what you have, or what you’re dealing with, and you resent someone for being who you want to be, having what you want to have, or being in a “better” situation than you, you make yourself a victim of your own situation.

The more powerful choice in a situation where a person has what you desire in terms of character/personality traits, material things, money, success or lifestyle, would be to use your desire for one or more of those things as inspiration for finding a way to acquire it yourself. Inspiration is a lot more energizing than resentment or bitterness, two emotions which only serve to drain and age you. If you’re truly inspired to have or achieve something, you’ll definitely find a way.

If the person has something that you can’t change or acquire, like say he’s 6’2 and you’re only 5’6, or she’s a great gymnast and you have absolutely no coordination whatsoever, or she’s a great singer and you can’t hold a not to save your life, that’s what the first pillar of The Viable Alternative called self-realization addresses, you becoming inspired by your own individuality and unique possibilities and how they can manifest.

Surely, just because a person is taller than you, or has a better voice, or is naturally more athletic, there are things that you can do that he or she DEFINITELY can’t do and would envy you for. You may be a better speaker, you may have a better business acumen, or you may be more artistic.

Again, you can take the success that a person has within his or her own endeavour or ability, and use it as inspiration for you to achieve your own greatness with your own natural abilities, and unique gifts and resources.

You can say to yourself, “Okay, this person is good at a,b and c and I admire that. What am I good at? And how can I use what I’m good at to achieve an equal level of success or excellence?”

One of the first big realizations I had in my life was when I turned 20 years old, and I would hang with friends who were good with women at a time when I completely sucked in that area. Up until then, I resigned myself to being one of those dudes who just didn’t have “it” with women, but as I started paying closer attention to friends and others guys I met who were good with women, I noticed that each of them had their own look, style, personality, and gifts that made them attractive to the opposite sex, and that there were instances a woman would be attracted to one not the other and vice versa.

I began to think, “Hey, I’m an individual, what style that fits me, and what natural gifts do I have that would make me attractive to the opposite sex?” I started to believe that there was a type of woman that would be into my own individuality as I allowed it to develop, and began to get curious about what my own success would look like and I began to seek it. Within a year, my whole life in that area completely changed.

Instead of throwing stones at someone else’s kingdom, or trying to burn it down, why not use that energy constructively to build your own kingdom that would be different than anyone else has ever seen?

The other reason why people indulge in jealousy is because they’re lazy, and to them, it’s much easier to resent someone for their success than to shut up, stop making excuses, and get up off their backsides and get their own damn success for themselves.

To such people, going after what they want would require them to face some cold, hard, ugly truths about themselves AND subsequently deal with them. It would require them to change their old, self-defeating habits and acquire newer ones that would be more conducive to the things they want to achieve It would also require them to step up and stretch themselves.

Unfortunately, the truth is, having to do all that scares the crap out of a lot of people, so jealousy towards others is the WEAK, easy way out of taking responsibility for their own lives.

It’s easier for a guy to dismiss his ripped friend as a “juicehead” than it is for him to stop drinking 3 liters of Coke a day, put down the Doritos, get up off the couch and acquire the discipline it takes to get in shape.

It’s easier for a woman to hate on her friend for having a healthy, loving relationship with a solid, upright, successful guy than it is for her to face the fact that she’s insecure, needy, belligerent and negative and as such, no good, solid man in his right mind would ever want be with her until she deals with her issues and grows up.

For such people, successful people are a glaring reminder of what they refuse to do in their own lives, and they resent them for it. These people can’t be convinced about the futility of jealousy because it’s a crutch they need to avoid facing themselves.

If you find yourself being jealous of someone, you should use it as an indicator that you’re not taking responsibility for your own life or that you’re not inspired enough by who you are and what you’re uniquely capable of.

This is The Viable Alternative.

Hope this helps,

Ike Love